after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
