The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
