Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
