The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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