I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
