If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
