I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
this will be a night to untag.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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