Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
