dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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