Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
