I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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