if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
