There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
