we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
