why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
