I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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