I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
