Umm I'm too high to move.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
