I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
