In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
