So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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