pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
