Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
