If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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