K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
