saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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