Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
