I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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