I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
