you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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