i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
