If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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