So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
