my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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