Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
