Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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