Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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