The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
