Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Randomize