Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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