I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
