I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
