i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
