google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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