dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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