If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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