I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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