So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
