Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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