So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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