a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
