I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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