You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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