3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
