a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize