can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
two words: eviction party
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
