Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
