quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
