I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
