At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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