oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
