we have officially lost it.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize