Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
