Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
