we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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