I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
