dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
