Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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