Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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