he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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