you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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