can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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