haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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