My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize