Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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