Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
