I am puke
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
