It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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