Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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