dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
