i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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