Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she told me i tasted like america
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
