Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
