You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
