Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize