remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
