I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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