you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
