even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize