You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
