Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize