Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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