I didn't shave. On purpose
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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