Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
