I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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