hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
