you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
