Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
