tell your sister to shave her snatch
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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