things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
