What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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