brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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