is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
we should paint friendship bongs
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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