shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
