i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
