so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
