You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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