I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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