no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
