oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
