Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
