you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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