The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
