Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
