I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
