it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
